September 9, 2010

White Trash Dream Team of Jared Allen, AJ Hawk, Jeremy Shockey Sign with Miami Dolphins

MIAMI GARDENS, FL - (DoghouseDaily) - In a much-hyped news conference hosted by Glenn Beck and aired exclusively on Spike TV, the Country Music Channel, and Fox News, three of the NFL's most revered trashy defenders announced that they will be joining forces in Miami in the upcoming season.

"We're bringin' mullets, skoal, rifles, and red white n' blue down to South Beach! We're takin' back the NFL together, united as one!" Remarked Jared Allen, formerly of the Minnesota Vikings.

Jeremy Shockey, known for his patriotic tattoos and brash, divisive language off the field, questioned, "how come the only super sports trio's gotta be LeBron James, Wayne Wade [sic] and Chris Cross [sic]. Miami's got three real Americans comin' to town and we gon' take that there Super Bowl title rings back home wi't us know what we mean."

AJ Hawk did not provide a comment, but was wearing a "Restoring Honor to the Gridiron" shirt. Experts are not really quite sure what those words are supposed to mean.