January 6, 2011

Snooki Probably Engaged to Hugh Hefner, Or Something

LOS ANGELES, CA - (The Comedy News) - Playboy Magazine CEO Hugh Hefner is now engaged to reality TV Star, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi.

The engagement comes much to Snooki's chagrin, since Hefner is only worth about $43 million dollars. Prior to the engagement, Snooki had assumed that the world's leading exploiter of the female body would was worth at least $500 million.

"I waaz positive dis man was worf billion$. Ahhhm worf at leasse doubbble whuh he worf," Snooki wrote via Twitter.

After the engagement, Hefner explained to his fiancée that his previous divorces caused him to lose much of his assets, as well as lower his stake in Playboy Enterprises.

Still, Hefner defends his engagement to the media, and professes his love for Snooki.

"This is just a ruse, " the 84-year old Hefner told reporters. "I wanted to get her off television. She acts just like Marilyn did in the 1950's. If Snooki stays on TV, someone is bound to rip off my business model."

Snooki is still having trouble locating any respectable individual who is willing to be a bridesmaid or the maid of honor.

A list of people intentionally not invited to the June 9th wedding at the Playboy Mansion include, DJ Pauly D, JWoww, Mike the Situation, Pauly Shore, Vice-President Joe Biden, and Dustin Diamond.

-By High Neesniffer