June 27, 2011

Quarterback Russell Wilson To Be Named New Chancellor of University of Wisconsin

UW:  "If Bo Jackson Can Play Football and Baseball, Russell Wilson Can Play Football and Chancellor"

MADISON, WI - (@TheComedyNews) - Following the announcement of quarterback Russell Wilson transferring to the University of Wisconsin Badgers football team, the school also announced that the 22-year-old will also be UW-Madison's new chancellor.

"I am truly thrilled at the opportunities I will have this fall in Madison," Wilson wrote in an email while on board a plane enroute from Raleigh to Madison.  "I look forward to being in the starting quarterback position for both the football team, and the school administration.  Haha.  Get it?  'Cuz the chancellor gets to call all the plays for the school too!  No, really, the chancellor gig should be a pretty good time and I am honored that I get to serve the people of this fine university."

Wilson's experience in carrying out the duties of both a football quarterback and university chancellor have been questioned.  About 50% of Wisconsin residents are quite concerned that the next chancellor of their flagship university will have no college degree, while the other 50% think Scott Walker is doing a fantastic job as Governor.

To Wilson's credit, he has completed coursework in communications at North Carolina State University in Raleigh which should serve him well as he tackles UW-Madison's budget woes ---while simultaneously attempting to lead the football team to another trip to Pasadena for the 2012 Rose Bowl.

"What truly sets Russell apart from the rest of his team mates is that he is a multi-tasker," remarked football coach Bret Bielema.  "He has also been of legal drinking age for over 18 months now, and we all know how much of a responsibility that is when you're surrounded by so many young athletes." 

University officials have defended their choice to name Russell Wilson as the new chancellor of the University of Wisconsin by stating that,"if Bo Jackson can play both football and baseball, Chancellor Russell Wilson can play football and chancellor.  After all, everyone knows that the only thing that matters to a college or university is whether their football team can play in a bowl game on New Years Day."