August 10, 2011

London Riots Launch Sex Pistols Back onto Billboard Charts

LONDON, UK - (@TheComedyNews) - Thirty-three years after their last show, the Sex Pistols sole album Never Mind the Bullocks, Here's the Sex Pistols sits atop the Billboard 200 for the first time.

The reason?

Rioters in Great Britain chose the song "Anarchy in the UK" as their anthem of rebellion against all authority in the country, even though the rioters only play pirated versions of the song.

John 'Sludge' Roberts, 14, exclaimed at Central Park, "I hate my life! I hate my parents! I only like anarchy, destruction, and punk rock!"  He spent the rest of his afternoon listening to the song on repeat with his hoodlum friends, smoking Newports and complaining about the jocks at their local middle school.

Across the pond, rebellious American teenagers have been using their parent's credit cards to purchase the songs on iTunes and put it on their not-conformist-at-all iPads. 

None of the living members of the Sex Pistols could be reached due to their ambivalence to conformity and fame.

However, the apparition of their late bassist, Sid Vicious, commented on his recent success while playing with a ghostly switchblade, "Those bloody rioters are finally getting my message: violence is the answer to everything. I'm gonna go join them. Let's facking rob 'em all!"

All the royalties the Sex Pistols would receive have been donated to feed the rioters Red Bull and Doritos.