"We Just Thought We Could Support Our Favorite Team at a Road Game"
PHILADELPHIA, PA - (@TheComedyNews) - The two American hikers that had been detained for two years for illegally crossing into Iran have been detained yet again---only mere hours after being freed from Iranian custody.
"We just thought we could support our favorite team at a road game," screamed the retired hikers. "We didn't mean to ruffle any feathers by going into opposing team territory, we were just curious and excited to see our Giants in Phlly."
Shortly after arriving at JFK Airport on Sunday, the freed hikers, Joshua Fattal and Shane Bauer, decided they would celebrate their liberation by eagerly traveling that afternoon to see their favorite football team, the New York Giants take on the Philadelphia Eagles.
Unfortunately for Fattal and Bauer, they entered the wrong stadium at the wrong time while wearing the wrong colors.
Philadelphia is known worldwide as the worst place to see a sporting event while cheering from the away team. Eagles fans in particular, due to their team's propensity to lose championship games in nauseating drama, are known to be among the most vile, aggressive, and territorial to any trespassers not wearing Eagles apparel.
Fattal and Bauer, clad in New York Giants apparel, marched pridefully into Lincoln Financial Field to a barrage of boos, profanities, and discarded cheesesteak grease. Witnesses say that the two grossly outnumbered Giants fans became offended and taunted the Eagles fans right back.
"We had reason to believe that there were unwelcome visitors within the confines of the kingdom of the Philadelphia Eagles football team," said a Lincoln Financial Field security official in a written statement. "There is a state-indoctrinated law here that states that dissenters upon the Eagles may be harassed, and even face corporal punishment. You're also branded as a Class I dumbass on your criminal record."
Fattal and Bauer are currently being detained at the jail cell in the basement of Lincoln Financial Field, and are being forced to watch round-the-clock archive footage of the Eagles choking in big games.
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