|American flag with 37 McDonalds logos.|
WASHINGTON, DC - (@The Comedy News) - To honor the 37 states that joined the union after the original thirteen colonies, Congress today approved the addition of 37 McDonalds logos to the American Flag.
The movement to honor the 37 states that joined the union after the Thirteen Colonies spurred from resentment of the East Coast by the Plains and Midwest states. The Pacific states didn't really care either way.
"The design of the flag retains its fifty white starts on a blue background in the upper left, which commemorate every state," announced Dorothy Bruce of the Union of 37 "Other" States. "However, the thirteen stripes of red and white have been cause for jealousy and controversy---but mostly jealousy. For this reason, the 37 'Other' states will now be commemorated with the one common factor that unites all 37 of the 'Other' states: McDonalds."
McDonalds has restaurants in each state of the United States, over 12,000 in all. Their signature logo, a yellow-arched "M" with black trimming, now appears thirty-five times on red stripes of the American flag.
And to complete the 37 states, two McDonalds logos appear on the white stripes of the American flag, to symbolize "Alaska and Hawaii not really being a part of the United States anyways", according to an anonymous gynecologist-Senator from Oklahoma.
Citizens from the 37 "Other" states are quite enthused about the upcoming changes to the American flag.
"When you're in Warshington, New York City, Philthadelphia, Baltimore, Boston, Gettsyburg, Pittsburgh, Goldberg, whatever... ya hear alotta monkey-shine about them Thirteen Colonies," lamented Roger McGuinness, a puppy mill manager from Casper, Wyoming. "We want our flag to send a message to them East Coasties from them Thirteen Colonies: There's thirty-seven other states. And those states are better."
With the addition of 37 McDonalds logos to the American flag, the United States joins Croatia as the only two countries in the world who's flags consist of the colors red, white, blue, yellow, and black.
Here is an excerpt of the petition to Congress by the Union of 37 "Other" states:
"Whereas just because a state was one of the first thirteen to be founded, that doesn't make them special."
"Whereas McDonalds encapsulates the 37 other states of the union with its high fat content and clever low brow advertising."
"Whereas we are sick and tired of being put down by smug East Coasties, who think they are so cool because they have taller buildings, bigger traffic jams, and shorter drives to international airports, the fourteenth through fiftieth states of the United States demand the American flag commemorate the Thirty Seven "Other" states explicitly."