How Will You Be Spending the Wednesday After the Election?

Several of the candidates who are on the ballots today, as well as their fans across America, are already making plans for how they will spend the day after election day:

President Barack Obama

"Having hot sweaty passionate victory sex with ma belle, Michelle."

Vice President Joe Biden

"Making crude innuendos at the President after intentionally walking in on he and Michelle having hot sweaty passionate victory sex."

Mitt Romney

"Creating a Monster.com profile so I can go back to work for the first time since 2002."

Paul Ryan

"Avoiding eye contact with Karl Rove.  Man, that white devil's not gonna wanna talk to me for a while."

Bruce Springsteen

"Working on writing a trite hit song to inspire the victims of Hurricane Sandy.  And by inspire, I of course mean exploit."

Ted Nugent

"At Home Depot buying a piece of paper, a pen, a foot stool, and some rope."