April 29, 2011

Jerry Seinfeld Celebrates 57th Birthday Alone; Friends Watching Royal Wedding

NEW YORK, NY - (The Comedy New) - Comedian Jerry Seinfeld celebrated his 57th birthday today all by himself due to all of his friends being too captivated by the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.  

"What's the deal with turning 57?" Lamented Seinfeld, sporting a multi-colored cone-shaped birthday hat.  "If you're gonna ditch a birthday party to watch a wedding, you don't do it on someone's 57th birthday.  That's like their Heinz Ketchup birthday."

Seinfeld had arranged to have 47 of his closest friends attend a birthday party at Old Homestead Steakhouse in the Chelsea district of New York.  He ordered Kobe beef burgers for all of the guests who had indicated that they would attend---burgers which cost $41 each.

"Had I known that my Heinz Ketchup birthday was gonna be marred by a rather distracting royal wedding, I would have had my mom give birth to me on another day, like May 1st.  No one celebrates May Day anymore," Seinfeld continued, dejectedly dipping his tater tot into a splotch of ketchup on one of the 47 placemats at the long steakhouse table.  

Seinfeld recalled that the last time he had zero attendees at his birthday party was his 38th birthday party on April 29,1992.  On that day,  the Los Angeles riots ruined Seinfeld's plans to have all of his friends have ice cream cake and see "Seinfeld" co-star Michael Richards perform at the Laugh Factory.