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•Privatizing Lake Michigan to increase the price of water at restaurants.
•Moving the Milwaukee Brewers back to Seattle.
•Selling all land north of Hayward to Minnesota and Canada for $0.05 per acre.
•Eliminating the Marquette interchange because a school doesn't need a whole freeway all to itself.
“I neglect my work typically for 25% of the day,” says PNC Bank employee Louis Landerski of Pittsburgh. “I work an eight hour day, and two hours of screwing off on the internet is my limit. But for the past two weeks, I’ve been watching Steelers highlights on ESPN.com and writing ‘Packers Stink’ and ‘Clay is for artists, not football players’ on message boards. I don’t really care that I have gotten basically like no work done at all. It’s the Super Bowl, who cares!”
One Packers fan, Donnie D’Amico of Queens, New York claims to have gotten no billable work done at all in the past nine business days. D’Amico, an analyst on Wall-Street, has been obsessed with checking Super Bowl ticket prices on StubHub.
“I keep thinking maybe, just maybe a $100 ticket will show up. I can’t afford the $2,000 that it would cost me to see the game, but I’m hopeful something cheap will pop up as the game gets closer. I’ve been putting an American Airlines flight to Dallas on hold each day in case I find that cheap game ticket,” explained D’Amico, a Packers fan for 28 years.
Both Packers fans and Steelers fans have spent a significant amount of time thinking of clever status messages to post on Facebook and Twitter to express their excitement for the game. Other popular topics have included ridiculing the other team’s city, and links to tearjerker rags-to-riches stories about players on the Packers and Steelers.
Some offices have been encouraging their employees to mix work with their football fandom. One firm in Manhattan will attempt to break up the monotony of suits and dresses by mandating ‘Football Jersey Fridays’---where the employees wear the jersey of their favorite NFL team. An anonymous Operations VP explained, “We can’t just fire everyone that spends all day on the Google and placing Vegas bets on the game. We’ve come to embrace it. As long as no one shows up in a Dallas Cowboys jersey. In that case, they’ll be fired.”