Wisconsin Badgers Fans Eager to Taunt the Oregon Ducks at Rose Bowl

Badger Students Flock to Message Boards to Begin Verbal War

MADISON, WI - (@The Comedy News) - In anticipation of their first Rose Bowl appearance against a Pacific 12 Conference team in twelve years, students at the University of Wisconsin-Madison have begun their research into creating the most pointed, clever insults to shout at the Rose Bowl stadium on January 2nd in Pasadena.  The Badger fans' enemy?  The University of Oregon Ducks.

"I have never been to Oregon, but f#!k Oregon!"  Shouted junior Matt O'Conner.  "Me and the other guys in my frat are gonna be in Pasadena for the big game, we're gonna shave 'Oregon Sucks' on all of our heads.  Those Ducks fans better watch out."

Sports journalists expect the Badger faithful to make profuse rhyming of the Oregon mascot, the Duck, with the F-word and "suck".  

"Badger fans have already started taunting Oregon Ducks fans from an array of perspectives," notes a YouTube message board administrator.  "Several of the taunts have taken digs at Ducks being a relatively tame animal, but the ones that made the most sense were in regards to the Oregon Ducks being beneficiaries of apparel-maker Nike's child-labor practices."

One popular taunt is expected to make wordplay with the fact that the Badgers played the Ducks' archival, the Oregon State Beavers earlier this season.  Wisconsin earned a much more decisive victory (35-0) over the Beavers than the Ducks (49-21).  According to UrbanDictionary, "Beaver" is a slang term for a female body part.

Still, some Badgers are too excited to make any sense with their taunts.  Sam Silverman, a Freshman at Wisconsin from Westchester, New York wrote on Twitter today, "Oregon might be Pac-12 but Bucky is packing 13 for the ROSE BOWL."

The Top Ten Things Badger Fans Will Shout at Oregon Fans at the Rose Bowl

1)  "Go Duck yourself."
2)  "Eugene's an asshole!"  [Clap Clap, Clap Clap Clap]
3)  "Nike Sucks!"
4)  "You're just a stupid bird!"  "You're just a stupid bird!"
5)  "Buck Will F#!K The Duck!   Buck Will F#!K The Duck!"
6)  "QWACK IS WHACK!  QWACK IS WHACK!"
7)  "Badgers licked the Beavers better than you!"
8)  "Stop Pre!"
9)  "Ducks play hockey!" [Clap Clap, Clap Clap Clap]
10)  "Phil Knight Phil Knight, child labor ain't alright!"

Before close of deadline, no Ducks fans could be reached for comment, due to the entire state of Oregon going on a nature hike until Christmas.

Top 10 Most Patriotic American Films Since 1776

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA - (@TheComedyNews) -   It is that time of year where the patriotic Americans come out in droves to celebrate their country's independence from Great Britain in 1776.

And the only thing more Patriotic than watching high-budget patriotic films is making a top ten list about them.

Honorable Mentions

Braveheart (1995) - Although the film does not depict Americans winning independence, it is still a depiction of a group of oppressed rebels kicking some British Royal ass.

Super Size Me (2004)- Big Macs are basically synonymous with America. What can be more patriotic than eating copious amounts of McDonald's for a month?

Almost Heroes (1998)- A big fat American, Chris Farley, beats the British (and Lewis and Clark) in a race to the Pacific Ocean in 1803. His public relations team is not that good, so Lewis and Clark end up taking all of the credit. 

Glory (1989) - America's favorite truant student grows mutton chops and leads America's first all-black military regiment against the Robert E. Lee and the Confederate Army. 

Top Gun (1986) - Unnecessarily glorifying Tom Cruise is pretty damn American. 

Armageddon (1998) - When the end of the World is upon us, a team of American deep-sea crude oil drillers led by Bruce Willis will save the day.  

Ghostbusters 2 (1989) - The Statue of Liberty takes a stroll through Manhattan, and then destroys the ceiling of a goulish art museum.

Miracle (2004) - Kurt Russell shows the world that a bunch of college boys from Minnesota, North Dakota and Wisconsin can whip the Soviets in their bread, butter, and borscht: ice hockey.

Top 10 Most Patriotic American Films Since 1776: 

10) True Lies (1994) - Arnold Schwarzenegger has to stop Key West from becoming the next Hiroshima. 

9) Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay (2008) - The sequel to the greatest road trip film of all time features a Homeland Security agent asking, "Is it freedom o'clock?"

8) The Patriot (2000) - This is the only film on this list that actually depicts the Revolutionary War.  Mel Gibson defeats the Redcoats and helps America win Independence.  In an alternate ending only on a limited edition DVD, Mel Gibson gets beaten to a bloody pulp by a regiment of his own Jewish soldiers. 

7) South Park Movie: Bigger, Longer And Uncut (1999) - America fights Canada over a petty dispute about cartoon profanity. And when you can't decide on a good villain to unite against, always be sure to default to Saddam Hussein.  Hey, it worked for President Bush. 

6) Saving Private Ryan (1998) - If films could fight a war, Steven Spielberg's epic World War II film would duke it out with Shakespeare In Love (1998) for the Academy Award for Best Picture...and then lose for some reason.

5) Beerfest (2006) - Benjamin Franklin once said, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." This film is the epitome of what it is to be young careless in America--- chugging obnoxious amounts of beer to prove is the coolest kid in high school.

4) Die Hard I-IV (1988-2007) - Bruce Willis defeats the Germans twice and puts down two rebellions in America. Yippee-ki-yay [Mister Falcon].

3) Independence Day (1996)- Bill Pullman gives the greatest wartime Presidential address since Gettysburg. And the combination of the Fresh Prince's witty one-liners, the annoying bastard from Jurassic Parks I and II, and Randy Quaid destroying a 9-mile-diameter spaceship dramatizes America's ability to fend off an alien invasion. In the immortal words of Captain Steven Hillard, "Welcome to Earth!".

2) National Treasure (2004) / The Rock (1996) / Con Air (1997) - Nicholas Cage is what every American jockstrap bonehead aspires to be:   explosive, awesome, and a buried in a slurry of box office cash and rotten tomatoes. These films include fire, car chases, convicts, gratuitous gun usage, and Disney-esque happy endings.

1) Rocky IV (1984) - The perennial underdog, Rocky Balboa, battles Communist Russia's top boxer---a steroid receptacle named Ivan Drago.  While behind enemy lines in the U.S.S.R., Rocky wins the Cold War without dropping one nuclear bomb. Ivan Drago, on the other hand, goes on to serve as the inspiration for Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, Hulk Hogan, and other patriotic American heroes and role models.

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Packers Update: AJ Hawk Gets Greedy In New Contract

GREEN BAY, WI - (The Comedy News) - Green Bay Packers inside linebacker, AJ Hawk, was re-signed to a four-year deal with the reigning Super Bowl Champions. 

In addition to the $6-7 million he will make each year, there are several things Hawk required to be guaranteed in his contract before he would commit:

◊ A Shamwow, Magic Bullet, SlapChop, and George Foreman grill

 ◊ The pacecar for the 2011 Indianapolis 500.

◊ $5000-per-month stipend to shop at Target.

◊ Jim Carrey's car in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

◊ Above-ground pool for his childhood mobile home in Ohio.

◊ The Isle of Man.
◊ Squeeze bottle of Famous Dave's barbecue sauce.

◊ Night on the town with Brady Quinn's sister.

◊ Brett Favre's old number.

◊ Monthly appointments to go mallard hunting with former Vice-President Dick Cheney.


*****
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"Home Alone" Still Tops List of Highest Grossing Films With No Use of Special Effects or Animation

For many years, the top grossing films of all-time have included almost exclusively films loaded with special effects and animation. Forgotten in this mix are the films that generated audiences without the use of anything beyond a camera and a little bit of lighting.

Avatar? Harry Potter? Titanic? Star Wars? They may be some of the most revered and financially successful films of all-time. They lead in box office results, total budget, and imagination. But beyond all of the cool visual effects, a very peculiar list of films emerges:


Top Ten Films Of All Time That Did Not Use Special Effects or Animation

1) Home Alone $285,761,243 (1990)

2) Meet the Fockers $279,261,160 (2004)

3) The Hangover $277,322,503 (2009)

4) The Blind Side $255,959,475 (2009)

5) My Big Fat Greek Wedding $241,438,208 (2002)

6) Mrs. Doubtfire $219,195,243 (1993)

7) Wedding Crashers $209,255,921 (2005)

8) Grease $188,389,888 (1978)

9) Dances with Wolves $184,208,848 (1990)

10) Liar Liar $181,410,615 (1997)


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(Source: BoxOfficeMojo.com)

TCU Fans Read Up On Wisconsin

Badgers Should Prepare As Much As Horned Frogs Do For Rose Bowl

FORT WORTH, TX - (DoghouseDaily) - Texas Christian University Horned Frogs fans have done their homework in preparing to share the Rose Bowl Stadium with Wisconsin Badgers football fans on New Years Day.

Top Six Facts TCU Fans Should Know About Wisconsin

1). Wisconsin's mascot, Bucky, is lame because it is named after a dance called "The Bucky". Bucky also sounds like "Buckeye". Wisconsin must be Ohio State Buckeye wannabes.

2). Wisconsin's football stadium is at a place called "Camp Randall". Oh, the cute little Badgers go to camp to play with their friends. Oh so adorable. Don't forget to wear sunscreen and DEET.

3). At the Badgers' training facility, a sign reads, "The Road to Pasadena Starts Here". The only Pasadena they know about is 2,000 miles away in California. Texas has its own Pasadena, just south of Houston.

4). Former Vice-President Dick Cheney went to school at Wisconsin for a year. He knew Wisconsin would just hold him back, so he left school in cheeseland to become Vice-President with George W. Bush--who comes from Texas.

5). The average temperature on New Years Day in Madison is 9.3 Degrees Fahrenheit. There is no way those cheeseheaded Wisconsin fans survive the first half of the Rose Bowl without melting into Badger fondue.

6). The University of Wisconsin is constantly overshadowed by other schools in their Big Ten Conference like Michigan and Northwestern in academics and Michigan and Ohio State in football. Oh yea? There isn't anyone that overshadows TCU in our Mountain West Conference. We're #1! Go Frogs!


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