March 7, 2011

Packers Update: AJ Hawk Gets Greedy In New Contract

GREEN BAY, WI - (The Comedy News) - Green Bay Packers inside linebacker, AJ Hawk, was re-signed to a four-year deal with the reigning Super Bowl Champions. 

In addition to the $6-7 million he will make each year, there are several things Hawk required to be guaranteed in his contract before he would commit:

A Shamwow, Magic Bullet, SlapChop, and George Foreman grill
 ◊ The pacecar for the 2011 Indianapolis 500.
$5000-per-month stipend to shop at Target.
Jim Carrey's car in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.
Above-ground pool for his childhood mobile home in Ohio.
The Isle of Man.
Squeeze bottle of Famous Dave's barbecue sauce.
Night on the town with Brady Quinn's sister.
Brett Favre's old number.
Monthly appointments to go mallard hunting with former Vice-President Dick Cheney.

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