December 16, 2011

Wisconsin Badgers Fans Eager to Taunt the Oregon Ducks at Rose Bowl

Badger Students Flock to Message Boards to Begin Verbal War
MADISON, WI - (@The Comedy News) - In anticipation of their first Rose Bowl appearance against a Pacific 12 Conference team in twelve years, students at the University of Wisconsin-Madison have begun their research into creating the most pointed, clever insults to shout at the Rose Bowl stadium on January 2nd in Pasadena.  The Badger fans' enemy?  The University of Oregon Ducks.

"I have never been to Oregon, but f#!k Oregon!"  Shouted junior Matt O'Conner.  "Me and the other guys in my frat are gonna be in Pasadena for the big game, we're gonna shave 'Oregon Sucks' on all of our heads.  Those Ducks fans better watch out."

Sports journalists expect the Badger faithful to make profuse rhyming of the Oregon mascot, the Duck, with the F-word and "suck".  

"Badger fans have already started taunting Oregon Ducks fans from an array of perspectives," notes a YouTube message board administrator.  "Several of the taunts have taken digs at Ducks being a relatively tame animal, but the ones that made the most sense were in regards to the Oregon Ducks being beneficiaries of apparel-maker Nike's child-labor practices."

One popular taunt is expected to make wordplay with the fact that the Badgers played the Ducks' archival, the Oregon State Beavers earlier this season.  Wisconsin earned a much more decisive victory (35-0) over the Beavers than the Ducks (49-21).  According to UrbanDictionary, "Beaver" is a slang term for a female body part.

Still, some Badgers are too excited to make any sense with their taunts.  Sam Silverman, a Freshman at Wisconsin from Westchester, New York wrote on Twitter today, "Oregon might be Pac-12 but Bucky is packing 13 for the ROSE BOWL."

The Top Ten Things Badger Fans Will Shout at Oregon Fans at the Rose Bowl
1)  "Go Duck yourself."
2)  "Eugene's an asshole!"  [Clap Clap, Clap Clap Clap]
3)  "Nike Sucks!"
4)  "You're just a stupid bird!"  "You're just a stupid bird!"
5)  "Buck Will F#!K The Duck!   Buck Will F#!K The Duck!"
7)  "Badgers licked the Beavers better than you!"
8)  "Stop Pre!"
9)  "Ducks play hockey!" [Clap Clap, Clap Clap Clap]
10)  "Phil Knight Phil Knight, child labor ain't alright!"
Before close of deadline, no Ducks fans could be reached for comment, due to the entire state of Oregon going on a nature hike until Christmas.