March 10, 2011

Bomb-Sniffing Dog Indicted For Corruption Scandal

German Shepherd Caused Dozens of Wrongful Arrests In Food-Stealing Scheme

CHICAGO, IL – (The Comedy News) – A Chicago Police Department bomb-sniffing dog  will stand trial this week for intentionally accusing innocent commuters of carrying malicious explosives.  

Kermit, the 3-year-old German Shepherd originally from Oak Park, is being accused of alerting authorities of suspicious bags containing explosives, when in reality, all Kermit had been looking for was food. 

“We have reason to believe that the defendant, the K-9 Kermit, barked ferociously, jumped and nipped at the bags of innocent people walking on the sidewalks of Chicago under the guise that there were harmful explosives inside,” said District Attorney Jerry Camper.   “The record will show that not only did the arrested individuals have nothing harmful in their bags, but any food items they had were devoured by Officer Kermit.”

The scandal broke when a complaint was filed with the head of the K-9 Unit by one of Kermit  deputies, Haley, a 2-year old border collie.   Haley did not explicitly say any wrongdoing by Kermit, but definitely brought attention to Kermit’s enthusiasm when nothing was found in suspicious bags except for food—typically cookies, bread, and dishes with chicken or beef.  

As Kermit became more and more aggressive with the K-9 officers when the bags (with no explosives) were being handed back to the commuters, Haley would whimper and cry.   Her sulking eventually paid off with Kermit being indicted in a Chicago court---after 17 wrongful arrests. 

The maximum sentence that Kermit faces is seven nights in the kennel crate, belly-rub probation for one month, and mandatory court-ordered counseling services facilitated by dogwhisperer Cesar Millan.  

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