March 13, 2011

Fred Durst Celebrates Ten-Year Anniversary of "My Way" Alone At The Barbershop

Barber:  "He's Basically Doing Nothing These Days"

JACKSONVILLE, FL - (The Comedy News) - The former front man to nu-metal band Limp Bizkit was finally located this week as he celebrated the ten-year anniversary of one his most eclectic songs.

Fred Durst was found this week celebrating the tenth year since the release of the song "My Way" (video) at Ritchie's Barbershop in Jacksonville, Florida.  A quick glance confirms what most assume about Durst's recent whereabouts:  he's doing basically nothing, and wearing a backwards red hat.

"He comes into the shop each day this week and asks for the Mike 'The Situation' cut," explained barber Ritchie Roberts.  "Since March 6th, he routinely walks in, physically removes a customer who's in the chair, and then takes a seat.   He'll ask for the Situation cut, yet never removes the dumb red hat.  Just sits there and mumbles to himself, 'check-check, check-check, check out ma melody.'   It's really irritating."

Ten years ago this week, "My Way" by Limp Bizkit was the #1 rock song on the billboards.  These days, it gets no playtime.  Capitol Hill insiders hint that "My Way" is so irreputable that the House of Representatives might pass a unanimous resolution to commemorate the song's cultural value to society.  Bloggers speculate that the song helped motivate President George W. Bush through some of his toughest decisions in 2001. 

Flash forward to 2011, and Durst is only a nuisance to the few that he approaches.  Unfortunately for Ritchie Roberts and his barbershop staff, they happen to be some of those unlucky few.  

"He doesn't even pay.  Just walks outta the shop mumbling, 'keep on rollin, rollin, rollin'", lamented the barber.  "Next time, I'm gonna do society a favor and shave "Huge douche" on his head.  Durst probably won't even notice".