August 27, 2011

Hurricane Irene on Pace to Wash Away Cast of 'Jersey Shore'

The cast of Jersey Shore moments before getting miraculously trapped underneath a pier, toppled by Hurricane Irene.

SEASIDE HEIGHTS, NJ - (@TheComedyNews) - In only a few hours, Hurricane Irene will come closer than any other force known to man to completely wash away any remnant of the Jersey Shore. 

"This could be the one that we have all been anticipating---yes--- a hurricane with enough power to wash away the cast of the Jersey Shore," announced a spokesman for the National Weather Service.  "Millions of Americans have tried since 2009 to convince MTV that the show has got to go, but as we will see this weekend, it will be a tenacious hurricane named Irene that takes care of the business once and for all."

Experts believe that once Hurricane Irene rips through the Jersey Shore, all that will be left will be thick globules of hair-gel, scattered containers of sunless tanner, and tattered (yet seemingly unscathed) graphic t-shirts. 

The cast of Jersey Shore is unsurprisingly cavalier and cocky when questioned about their show's upcoming demise.

"Irene?  Uh hah hah!"  Snickered Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino.  "Some girl named Irene think she's gonna take us out?  I tells ya what, Irene blows alright.  She blows me, and then goes on to Pauly, Vinny, and Ronnie too---if she can find his weather vein.  Huh huh," continued Sorrentino.  

Jennifer Farley, otherwise known on the show as J-Woww, also had some words for Hurricane Irene.  

"I'm gonna try to uppercut her, that bitch Irene," sneered J-Woww.  "If that fat ass tropical storm tries to mess with us J-Shore peeps, I'm gonna throw a f*cking drink in Hurricane Irene's face."