January 16, 2013

Chief Justice John Roberts Procrastinating Inauguration Homework

WASHINGTON, DC - (@The Comedy News) - Chief Justice John Roberts has been too lazy to practice the Oath of Office for Barack Obama’s second inauguration.  
After ignoring Barack’s phone calls for days, Barack walked over to Robert’s apartment and found Roberts maximizing his relaxation time by watching "Judge Judy" while sitting on his futon in sweatpants and dirty wife-beater--showing a week’s beard growth.  Surrounding his used KFC wrappers, empty cans of Pringles and half full bottles of Old Crow Bourbon.  Before he could harangue the Chief Justice, Barack Obama vomited his lunch in the hallway and stormed out of the apartment.

“There is no fucking way I am going back in there,” said the President.  “It smells like Jeffrey Dahmer once roomed there.  I’ll send Joe there to get Johnny Oath flubber off his ass and back to the books.”

When consulted by reporters about his procrastination, John acknowledged, “I’m too busy learning how to be a real arbiter of the law, plus I’d like to know what’s under that robe of hers.  Anyways, you know the market will take care of it,” while pointing to a sticky copy of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged.  “I will be ready to give the Oath of Office to Romney when I’m done watching Judge Judy.”

In response to this, CNN Correspondent, Wolf Blitzer, accused John Roberts of, “GOP snobbery,” and, “utter disregard and disrespect to the United States government.” Wolf has continued, “he’s only done this to prevent Barack from legally assuming office.  His refusal to do so only discredits the Democrats by having that pauper Biden be the President.”

Neckless asshole Rush Limbaugh, issued a tweet accusing Blitzer of “Slandering the GOP and lesson the faith of good Christian Americans with Socialist policies.”  The next set of drivel he tweeted was summarily ignored.

None of the Associate Justices could be reached for comments, however it has been reported that narcissist and zealot Antonin Scalia left a note remarking, “The unconstitutionality of Barack Obama of forcing a Supreme Court Justice to practice the Oath of Office citing the 3rd Amendment, the 10th Amendment, and the Bible."