OUTER REACHES OF HELL - (The Comedy News) - The former owner of the New York Yankees, George Steinbrenner, has become the owner of the New Amsterdam Firepirates of the newly formed Major Hell Softball League.
Steinbrenner resumed his management habits as when he was mortal by signing the best of the best available talent to his team.
Players that Steinbrenner has signed to the Firepirates include Roberto Clemente (RF), “Shoeless” Joe Jackson (LF), Mickey Mantle (CF), Lou Gehrig (1B), Honus Wagner (SS), Babe Ruth (DH), Thurman Munson (C), Rogers Hornsby (2B), Eddie Matthews (3B), Cy Young (P), and coached by George "Machine Gun" Kelly. They are the current favorite to win the Netherworld Series in the upcoming season.
Players purposely left off the roster include Sandy Koufax, Hank Greenberg, Walter Johnson, Cal Ripkin, Jr., and Jackie Robinson---most likely due to their congeniality, being a Jew, or still being alive.
It is believed that all of Steinbrenner's players will have to abide by his rules such as keeping well-trimmed hair and abstaining from alcoholic and tobacco products. Satan himself, the commissioner of the Major Hell Softball League, was upset to hear that someone other then himself was instigating controlling vindictive commands at Hell residents. The commissioner threatened to punish Steinbrenner with a century of losing.
An expansion team will be debuting during the upcoming season as well, the East Berlin Lightning, owned by former Cincinnati Reds owner, Marge Schott. Players on the Lightning that will be added to the roster in the near future include Yogi Berra, Pete Rose, John Rocker, Ty Cobb and Roger Clemons. It is believed these players will boost their roster with the apt amounts of crime, stupidity, and malevolence to make a run for the Netherworld Series.