November 9, 2010

Ferris Bueller Caught in Truancy Scandal

Truant Mr. Bueller
GLENCOE, IL - (@The Comedy News) - Popular teen Ferris Bueller, 17, was caught skipping school this week by the Shermer High School dean of students, Edward Rooney.

Bueller's truancy habits came under fire after Rooney discovered that Bueller had skipped school nine times in that semester alone. If convicted, Ferris is expected to have to repeat his senior year of high school.

"That snot-nose punk is finally mine," rasped Rooney, who is known throughout the halls of Shermer High School for his gruff demeanor and strict adherence for child discipline. 

The people close to Ferris Bueller have taken brash actions against him as well. His ex-girlfriend, Sloan Peterson, took the virginity of Bueller's best friend, Cameron Fry, and reportedly treats him well. Bueller recently coaxed Fry into letting him borrow his father, Morris Fry's 1963 Ferrari GT California without permission. After blaming the Ferrari incident on Bueller, Morris Fry bought Cameron his own Ferrari to drive Sloan Peterson around Chicago in while she completes her senior year at Shermer high.

"I only dated Ferris so I could get to his sexily introverted pal, Cameron," Sloan explained, while receiving a nauseating forehead kiss from Fry.  Sloan, 16, has been spotted dining with her new boyfriend Cameron at five-star restaurants around Chicago, including Chez Luis, and The Billy Goat. 

The parents of Bueller disciplined their truant son by taking away his only livelihood, the computer, until he completes his high school education.

Bueller's older sister, Jeannie, has been seen throwing public fits during her brother's truancy scandal. These fits of rage are most likely triggered by the amount of attention her brother is getting for disobeying both school and parental rules and lack of punishment for them, until now.  One such incident involved a rejected suggestion made by Jeannie Bueller while in the audience at the Second City Improv theater on Wells Street.  Jeannie suggestions repeatedly were, "This is stupid and you all suck".  It took two Chicago police officers armed with tasers to remove Jeannie Bueller from the theater. 

There are rumors in the Chicago area that Jeannie has been dating out-of-work actor Charlie Sheen ---very likely to cause additional shame to both Ferris and the entire Bueller family.