July 8, 2011

NASA: Astronauts Will Ride The Bus To Space

NASA Reluctantly Gets Rid of 1980s Vehicles;  Astronauts "Thrilled" to Ride Public Transit into Orbit

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL - (@TheComedyNews) - As Space Shuttle Atlantis blasted off into space this afternoon, future Astronauts geared up for the next phase of manned space flight in the United States:  the Space Shuttle Bus.

The Space Shuttle Bus is expected to take over the Space Shuttle Program that is being retired after 30 years of flight.

"We really liked keeping those old Space Shuttle things around," announced NASA Director Boulden.  "Discovery, Atlantis, Endeavour---they were really like Honda Civics---they could last forever.  But alas, we're retiring the old vehicles and the future of manned spaceflight for the indefinite future is all about public transit--- meet the Space Shuttle Bus!"

The current crop of NASA astronauts are reportedly "thrilled" that the Space Shuttle Program is shifting to public transportation.

"I used to ride the bus all the time," explained Mission Specialist Ronald Jetty.  "I'm a city guy, I come from Chicago, and I really gotta say the bus is such an underrated mode of transportation.  I'm so glad they finally got buses to go to space.  Some of the other astronauts have been all pissy about now being forced to ride the bus to space.  Bunch of north shore ninnies from the suburbs.  Maybe they can just wait for their mommy's minivan to fly to space.  It could be worse--- we could always resort to carpooling with the Russian space program.  Yeah right, we're better than that!"

Some big name astronauts are coming out of retirement to fly in Space Shuttle Bus' maiden flight.  These include first American to orbit the Earth, John Glenn, first human to set foot on the moon Neil Armstrong, and former cosmonaut-to-be Lance Bass.  

The first launch pad for Space Shuttle Bus will be located at the street corner of 1060 West Addison Street in Chicago, Illinois.

NASA has declined to go into details as to how the Space Shuttle Bus will actually fly into Space.