November 14, 2011

Minnesota Trades Vikings to Los Angeles for the USC Football program

Vikings and Trojans Trade Locations, Beards

MINNEAPOLIS;  SOUTH LOS ANGELES. - (@The Comedy News) - In an effort to curb their respective issues, the state of Minnesota has entered an agreement with the City of Los Angeles to trade the entire Minnesota Vikings football team for the entire USC Trojans football program. 

In the agreement, the now USC Vikings will leave the NFL and join the Pac-12 athletic conference.  The move will put an end to the team's clamoring for a new stadium as they will play their home games at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum.  

For all of the Vikings players, the move from professional back down to college football will result in a complete loss in salary, prohibition from getting brand endorsements, and a mandatory 12-credit fall semester of classes.  

"Man, this sucks!  College was so gay," lamented USC Vikings defensive-end, Jared Allen.  "Going to a school like USC?   Everyone's gonna find out that I can't read or write."  After the interview, Allen was seen whimpering around Hollywood Boulevard, crying out to tourists, "I miss my purple jersey," between hits of heroin.  

On the otherside of the deal, the now Minnesota Trojans fooball team will be bumped up from college football to the NFL and begin playing in the NFC north conference next week.  The Minnesota Trojans agreed to keep paying Trojans players the same salaries they received from boosters while in college.  

Both teams decided that it was necessary to change their respective logos to fit their new locales.  The USC Vikings will shed their beard for the move to southern California, where beards are an indicator of a need to visit a salon of some sort.  The Minnesota Trojans logo will add a beard to their logo because beards look best while covered in ice and snow.