MINNEAPOLIS, MN - (@TheComedyNews) - Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann announced today that she has figured out the source of the massive deadly heatwave stretching from the midwest to the east coast.
"This deadly heat that's making patriotic Americans all sweaty and gross is coming from none other than Mexico," the Minnesota Representative said while wafting cold air from her refrigerator. "If President Barack Obama would have done something about illegal crossings over the Mexican border, none of this hot Mexican air would have escaped to America and hurt our red, white and blue weather."
Bachmann has also been declaring that if she becomes President, she plans to eliminate the National Weather Service.
"Until the National Weather Service toughens their stance on illegal heat from Mexico creeping into America, they can kiss their funding goodbye in 2013. That's how you cut spending, my fellow Americans."
In her latest speech, Bachmann speculated that if the United States does not build a wall to keep illegal immigrant weather from seeping over the southern border, summer temperatures could climb to a sinful 666 degrees Fahrenheit by the year 2013.