August 18, 2010


LOS ANGELES, CA - (The Comedy News) - Following a taxicab ride to the Staples Center for her sold-out concert, singer Kesha (Ke$ha) realized that she accidentally left her Antares Inc. Audio Technologies auto-tune device in her city taxicab. Fearing massive public backlash for allowing a Ke$ha concert to feature her authentic singing voice, the music industry opted instead to cancel her career entirely.

The Auto-Tune device is designed to correct the pitch of voices of talentless vocal "artists" whose shallow careers are based primarily on image.

After the fans had all exited the arena, Ke$ha was found alone in a Staples Center dressing room, wiping profuse tears into discarded L.A. Clippers towels. “The auto-tune has always been the real star," she snapped. "I'm manufactured. Beautiful like J-Woww, yet a one-dimensional sham. The press are going to start to call me $hamWoww.”

RCA Records has shattered all plans to make a follow-up album to $hamWoww's debut album, "Animal". The Federal Communications Commission and the Recording Industry Association of America hastily made certain that there are stringent laws on the books to prohibit $hamWoww from performing live or attempting to be creative in the continental United States.

Lou Diamond Stunner, the taxicab driver who drove off into the night with the career life-line device of the artist formerly known as Ke$ha, was given the key to the city by Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. Plans for a bronze statue of Stunner are underway.

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